One of the first people I told about my cancer experience, outside of my small circle of people in the know, was actually the young Christian lady who cut my hair. I knew she would understand. She asked me if the experience changed my priorities in life. It hadn’t. I already knew my priorities–God, family, friends…searching for a spouse…wanting to have children. All those things were in place before cancer, and remained the same after cancer (with support and encouragement from my oncologist).
The way my cancer experience changed me was that I met incredible people who became my heroes, my mentors and my role models. I learned a lot about breast cancer. Mostly I learned lessons from the people I met about life in general. How to be a better person. What brings about happiness and fulfillment. They taught me a lot about life. Each person I interacted with created a story between us–a history. This is the story of my oncologist, Dr. John Link, and the life lessons he taught me.
One would think my path to selecting Dr. Link as my doctor would have been a short one, considering that he worked in the same comprehensive breast center as my surgeon, Dr. John West, who, as my other blogs cover, had an incredible, positive impact on my journey. But there was some time of discovery.
Breastlink, my breast center, has a team of doctors that work together on a patient’s case. Rather than sending a patient from one doctor to the next at different sites, all (or most) doctors and the equipment needed for cancer care are in one place. Dr. West was part of founding this comprehensive breast cancer center model but I later learned that Dr. Link was the other founder of Breastlink (note the “link”) part of the name. Before I knew that Dr. Link had such an integral role in starting Breastlink, I noticed a video of Dr. Link on the Breastlink website and wondered if the name was actually a coincidence, as “link” aptly describes the model–on one site, all services are linked…surgery, chemo, MRI, mammogram, ultrasound etc etc so that the patient does not have to travel from one place to another for services. Besides the convenience factor, the key to the comprehensive model is that the doctors have a conference on each patient and plan treatment together. This is huge, because having the experts collaborate within the different specialties over your case improves your care because the appropriate sequence and type of treatment can be followed. These specialties include surgery, plastic surgery, oncology, radiology and radiation oncology. Only the last piece is provided offsite. I did not know that it was Dr. Link who established this idea of a comprehensive breast center decades ago, opening the first comprehensive breast cancer center in the Western United States. After having a few comprehensive breast centers in Southern California, Dr. Link joined forces with Dr. John West and others to establish Breastlink in 1995. This year is Breastlink’s 20-year anniversary.
I didn’t know that Dr. Link was a pioneer in breast cancer oncology. I simply knew from the video on the website that he had worked nearly his entire career in breast cancer oncology, and had seen the cure rate increase from 55% to close to 90%. That impressed me. That was a long, dedicated career in a field that was especially tough in the beginning. I did not know that he was, as he describes it in a later video, “a self-proclaimed first breast oncologist in the Western US.”
Breastlink told me that I would eventually met with an oncologist, but Dr. West was acting as the team lead, so to speak. He told me the course my treatment would likely take as recommended by the comprehensive team. I didn’t want to wait, so after a little bit in the process I asked if I could meet my oncologist early on. They assigned me to another oncologist on the team, not Dr. Link, and we had a good, productive, and eye-opening meeting. For the first time, I really understood–it sank in–that my situation was likely highly favorable, perhaps 95% rate of cure (more data was still to be gathered). I liked the oncologist, but I wasn’t done in my selection yet. I knew very little about Dr. Link, not even at that point that he was the founder of Breastlink, let alone a breast cancer pioneer, even though he had worked 30+ years in breast cancer oncology. I simply knew that he was the head oncologist at BreastLink, and I simply wanted to confer with the person at the very top of the org chart.
“Dr. West, can I see Dr. Link?” I asked. “Yes,” he replied. I felt a flood of relief, though I knew little about Dr. Link and liked and trusted the other oncologist on staff. I was so happy that I was allowed to speak to the top oncologist in the breast center.
I will never forget the first time I met Dr. Link. I had noticed online that he always wore a bow tie on the Breastlink website and in the Breastlink videos. I saw him once before in the office before we met, again wearing the bow tie, and recognized him as the top oncologist from the website. This day, he was wearing his white lab coat, his dress shirt, his dress pants, dress shoes, and, of course, his bow tie. BreastLink not only has patient examining rooms, they also have offices for the doctors where they often consult with patients, and we met in his office. There was a desk in between us, I took a seat, and we talked. You never really want to meet an oncologist in this life, but when you have to have one, you want the best. Immediately, I felt his gentleness.
“He is gentle,” I thought. “How can this be? He has taken care of cancer patients for decades.”
I shared my story with Dr. Link and told him that I was going to get three oncologist opinions before making any decisions. I told him that I wanted to find out what was best to do for me. We had an excellent meeting, and as he walked me out I asked him about the bow ties. “My wife ties them for me every morning,” he said. Aw.
Before he left me, he asked for a hug. I obliged. “He’s like Dr. West’s brother,” I thought, “Such a similar approach to patient care.”
When Dr. West and Dr. Link talk to me I know one thing: they see me as a whole person. They don’t see me as cancer. They don’t address only the issue, the cancer. They see me. “Do you want to get married?” Dr. Link asked me. “Yes,” I replied. He filed it away. He was looking at me, and he was looking and thinking about my future. I wasn’t surprised at all when I read a book by Dr. Link, which would change my life, and found the chapter, “Treating the Whole Woman.” Yes, they did, Dr. West and Dr. Link. I knew so even before I read that chapter. In the book. Dr. Link says that cancer affects a person 1) physically, 2) spiritually and 3) emotionally, and the whole person must be treated not just the physical part. So true. He and Dr. West, did this for me by treating me with gentleness, care, love and respect.
So, how was it possible that this oncologist was able to be filled with gentleness after what I think would be a challenging (and also fulfilling) career working with a difficult disease like breast cancer?
Life Lesson #1. Mentors Create Heroes. When I felt my oncologist’s gentle demeanor that day, I wondered how it could be. I loved it and it was something I truly needed as a cancer patient. When you have or are recovering from a life-threatening illness, you need a doctor to treat you with gentleness and show care. But wouldn’t caring for women with cancer make the doctor somewhat cold and distant, as the stereotype for some doctors may be–and those doctors do exist–to protect their own emotions? Thankfully for me, Dr. Link wrote a book about his life and about his thoughts about how breast cancer patients should approach their disease and survivorship in a book called, “Take Charge of Your Breast Cancer. A Guide to Getting the Best Possible Treatment.” In the book, Dr. Link writes that the book is to “convey the lessons in my heart and soul” after decades of experience of caring for women with breast cancer. In the book, Dr. Link mentions his parents, his track coach and his medical school teacher as influences in his life. He describes how he was a star athlete in track at USC and how the death of his beloved coach, who was in his 40s, during Dr. Link’s college experience, when he was only 19, nearly derailed his plan to be a doctor because of the intense grief he experienced. He shares an amazing story of breaking the college world record with his team in his coach’s honor before he died. He writes, “For our beloved coach we were able to “go the distance” and we did, indeed, break the world record on a warm spring evening in 1966 at the Coliseum Relays. The following Sunday morning the Los Angeles Times ran a lead article about our accomplishment and our dedication of the record to Coach Wilson. He died two weeks later, but he was there to see us excel in his honor.” Dr. Link then dropped out of premed and switched to English literature but his calling remained. He writes, “I realized that I was running away from a calling in medicine that might give me true professional and personal happiness, even though I did not know how to manage the emotions that medicine evoked.” In stepped another mentor, Dr. Loren Stephens, an orthopedic surgeon, who became his advisor and friend, “and the most influential person in my development as a young physician” wrote Dr. Link. Dr. Link told Dr. Stephens about his track coach’s death, and the surgeon taught him about sympathy versus empathy.
Dr. Link writes, “What I didn’t realize then…was that one could be a healer and still be able to be empathetic and feel compassion for another human being in distress. What I experienced with my coach was sympathy, which is a double burden–you feel another’s suffering plus you anticipate your life without that person. Empathy allows you to separate yourself from another’s suffering but at the same time have compassion for that individual’s situation.”
Dr. Stephens encouraged Dr. Link to speak with a patient who was terminally ill, and again only in his 40s. Dr. Link, as a first-year med student, was able to listen to the man speak about his life and his children. It was difficult for Dr. Link, but he got through it. The man thanked Dr. Link for listening and called him “Doctor.” Dr. Link realized that he had helped the man simply by lisenting; he had appreciated it. Dr. Link writes, “At that point, I knew I could really be a doctor…that I did have the ability to manage my own feelings without losing them.”
Wow. Through Dr. Link’s book and these stories about his life, I realized the full story and the reason why, on the day I met him, he could look back at me with gentleness and kindness. I am so grateful that these individuals who I have never met, Dr. Link’s parents, his coach and his teacher Dr. Stephens, all touched my life through Dr. Link. They all contributed as mentors to helping Dr. Link become the compassionate doctor–and person–he is today. This example just underscores how in life, the good deeds of a parent, a teacher and a coach–and other types of mentors like them–have such a far reaching, ripple effect of good. I am sure Dr. Link had good in him naturally, and gifts that he was born with, such as the art of a healer and a call to medicine, but it was the mentors around him that brought these gifts to fruition. Across decades of time, these mentors touched me through Dr. Link. God gave me what I needed before I knew it–an oncologist who would look upon me with gentleness, compassion and true care.
Life Lesson #2. Cancer Patients Need Gentleness from their Health Providers. Being a cancer patient taught me that someone with a cancer diagnosis, or really anyone facing a life-threatening illness, needs gentleness. It is not a “like to have”, it is a “must have.” When you receive such cancer diagnosis there is confusion and you have received an emotional hurt, at the very least. Gentle doctors make the journey better. The power that they hold to make the journey better is profound. Will they make the journey better? Their words are transformative. Their tone of voice is transformative. Their encouragement is transformative. This does not mean that false hope is given. It means that anyone–any cancer patient or patient facing a significant illness–can benefit from how they are treated by their physician, no matter the circumstance. My third opinion, at another oncologist’s office, didn’t go so well. The first meeting was OK, but he was a bit “crass” with my mom, who attended. The second meeting was worse–I went alone and the doctor was more distant, more negative, and there were no hugs. I left and was depressed for three days. Both this doctor and Dr. Link were considered competent and qualified. I still hadn’t received the information at this point that Dr. Link was one of the best oncologists in the world–renowned–that would come later. I would read his books later. But I simply put the two side by side in my mind and realized that, if both were qualified, I was going to take Dr. Link as my oncologist because my emotional quality of life would be better. When I met Dr. Link I felt that I had “come home” to the right doctor for me. I ended ties with the third opinion and officially moved forward with Dr. Link. I was to find out how lucky this choice was.
Life Lesson #3. Cancer Patients–and all People–Should Carpe Diem, Dr. Link’s book, “Take Charge of Your Breast Cancer” also taught me to be encouraged. It states in the book that the cure rate for breast cancer is 90%. That is very high. I did not know this. It has increased over the years because of advancements in science, such as mammography for early detection. I thought about how Dr. Link has been there over the decades, caring for women every step of the way. This cure rate was encouraging to me at a time when I did not have all data about my particular situation. I read this book after my surgery, and it was life changing. I was dealing with my cancer diagnosis, which caused confusion, worry and anxiety. I was pretty strong and confident during the day, but I didn’t sleep so well at night, when my subconscious dealt with what I was going through. Along with the beautiful way my doctors treated me, it was Dr. Link’s book that helped me deal with my emotions. Again, a cancer diagnosis is not just about your body, it affects your emotions and your spirit. All three–physical, emotional and spiritual–need to be dealt with, as Dr. Link says in his book. Dr. Link encouraged me through his book to live like you are cured. Breast cancer sometimes comes back years later, so how do you deal with the worry? You live life just like you did before. You assume you are cured. You seize life. You seize the day.
This philosophy helped me–a lot. This was a handbook for me to move into survivorship. How do you live as a survivor? You live as you would before cancer. You make the most of your life. You chase your dreams. All of this philosophy applies not just to breast cancer but to life. It applies to all people. While we don’t like to think about it too much, life itself will end, and before it does we should make the most of it, each and every day. “Live well,” Dr. Link encourages in his book. Cancer teaches you to enjoy the now. Enjoy one day at a time. Life is beautiful, and I want as much of it as I can have.
One other important lesson was on worry. Worry is something cancer survivors may get more of their fair share of, but it doesn’t have to be this way. According to my doctors, it shouldn’t be this way, and it shouldn’t be this way for anyone, because stress is bad for the body. It is better not to worry, because worry is bad for your health, which we are trying to change around in the case of a cancer patient. One story in “Take Charge of Your Breast Cancer” about worry and stress was life changing for me. I read it at the moment I truly needed it. It was about one of Dr. Link’s patients who had breast cancer. She was very worried that she would die within five years because her mother died from breast cancer when it returned five years later. As a result, she became depressed and suffered much emotionally. Dr. Link suggested meeting with a counselor and other options as sources of help. She did buy a dog at Dr. Link’s suggestion and it helped a little, but she continued to suffer. At the five year mark, she died of a brain aneurysm. The autopsy showed no evidence of cancer in her body. The point hit home with me. The poor woman had likely died from worry. Even if the aneurysm wasn’t triggered by stress, she would have lived five, enjoyable, healthy years before the aneurysm–if she had only let herself. This story helped me transition into a survivor. While I did not fully understand the favorability of my diagnosis at the time, I realized that having good years post cancer or bad years could be affected simply by my attitude. Letting myself be happy was not only good for me, it was required for my good health. While this story is sad for the lady involved, it drives home a positive message to all survivors–carpe diem, be happy, and live fully each day you are given!
I remember when a lady on the news did a segment on mammograms, volunteered to do a mammogram on herself as part of the story, and then found out she had breast cancer. She then rejoiced publicly after her treatment was completed that she was cancer free and cured. I remember reading a comment where someone criticized this, saying she should wait a number of years before claiming cure. For some reason, I pondered that (this was prior to my own diagnosis) and it stayed with me. Was it a problem to claim cure? Was she doing something wrong by doing this? According to my doctor’s book, absolutely not. As most breast cancer patients are cured, the quality of her life will be made better by believing it and living so. The only problem I could see is if she decided to skip ongoing medical surveillance but this is a highly unlikely scenario. Survivors know that they need to do due diligence for the rest of their lives. And sometimes, the best due diligence will not prevent a fatal recurrence. This is why a cure (or cures) for breast cancer and metastatic cancer are needed. So the lady must be worried and afraid? 100 times no. Rejoice in the fact that cancer is gone. Enjoy each beautiful day cancer free. Make the most of your life and release worry and fear. That is the way to be a survivor and have a happy life post cancer.
Life Lesson #4. Happy People are Other Focused. My interactions with my Dr. Link reveal that he is happy, contented and fulfilled, despite his challenging career as a cancer doctor. When he talks to me, there is always a time where he just simply relaxes. I can see this, and I am happy for it. In his “Taking Charge of Your Breast Cancer” book, he writes “To have the privilege of entering another’s life in the crisis of illness and to make a difference has been incredibly fulfilling.” I see this happiness in my other cancer doctors, too, who share such similar approaches to patient care as Dr. Link. A similar thread runs through all of them. They are all “other focused”. While I was a stranger to them–and I still am really in lots of ways–they treat me as their own, as family, with compassion and true care. They make me feel like I am their most important patient because they are truly present with me during my appointments. I can feel that they care about me, simply because I am another human being, someone who was in need. The only way someone can be compassionate like this is if they are other focused–that they have the ability to truly see another person in their entirety–the whole person–and relate to them as they need–with compassion. Some doctors simply relate to the cancer, explaining the facts and figures. This only deals with the physical part, and leaves the mental and emotional part hurting. Compassion requires the ability to be selfless. Care requires the ability to be selfless. Empathy requires the ability to be selfless. Selfish people cannot be happy (not truly happy). Dr. Link and my other doctors have so much joy from, in a sense, giving a part of themselves away in the form of patient care, compassion and empathy. Happy people–the happiest people–care about others more than themselves. The irony is that in doing so, people who are other focused reap more rewards for themselves than they ever could with their focus on themselves–in the form of a fulfilling life and heaps of appreciation from those they helped. There are thousands of patients, like me, who are eternally grateful to Dr. Link and his colleagues who share his passion for patient care. Many of us let him know how much we appreciate his care.
Life Lesson #5. God Can Give You the Help You Need. When I started my cancer journey, I didn’t know how much I would need this gentle approach to patient care, and I thank God for connecting me with Dr. Link. and my other doctors who are like him. While I didn’t know very much about Dr. Link in the beginning, only that he was the top oncologist at Breastlink and had served women for decades, I came to realize that he is one of the top breast cancer oncologists in the world. While “Take Charge of Your Breast Cancer” helped me so much, his standard book that he updates every year is “The Breast Cancer Survivor Manual,” which is the most widely read book by women with newly diagnosed breast cancer. It contains all the latest information about breast cancer, and gives women tools that will help them receive the best chance at cure. It is a brilliant book, and he is working on the sixth edition. But it was “Take Charge of Your Breast Cancer” that really helped me from an emotional standpoint. I wouldn’t want to be without “The Breast Cancer Survivor Manual” either. I highly recommend both books to any woman who is diagnosed or simply wants to learn the latest facts about the disease. “Taking Charge” is a great read for anyone who wants to learn about how to approach life–I believe the lessons there about living life to the fullest really apply to life in general. It contains fascinating insight into a great man. I like that in his book, Dr. Link rarely refers to a person as his patient. Rather he often says “a woman I cared for”. I love that and it shows his attitude toward patient care.
Thanks to selecting Dr. Link, I had two major victories in my cancer experience. First, he did the Mammaprint test, which is a test done on the genes of the tumor itself to determine if chemotherapy is needed. The test showed that I did not need chemotherapy. However, a breast surgeon at a different institution had encouraged me to do chemotherapy as a “reset”, but to consult a couple of oncologists first. Obviously, she did not know about the Mammaprint test and her advice was incorrect. The other oncologist at Breastlink I had met with had informed me that this was incorrect, and that the standard procedure would be to test the tumor after it was removed to see if chemotherapy was needed. Dr. Link ordered my Mammaprint test.
Second, my outside oncology opinion said I should do hormonal therapy, which has some significant risks (and also benefits when used in the correct circumstances). While hormonal therapy was also put on the table at first for me by Breastlink as something I may potentially need, Dr. Link said to wait. Results from a new test were coming out. The new test, the Breast Cancer Index test, was used to again test the genes of my tumor to show that hormonal therapy, like chemotherapy, would not benefit me as my risk for recurrence was so low and the likelihood of the therapy helping was low. This test benefited me so much. I was able to avoid unnecessary treatment. I am thankful that Dr. Link had this knowledge and is knowledgeable on the latest advances in breast cancer treatment. He says in his books that women need the best treatment available now, not what was good five years ago. He also says that it is very important not to over-treat and not to under-treat. Breast cancer is a very complex disease and each case is approached differently. I learned from Dr. Link’s books that there are four types of breast cancer, and each treatment is approached differently. Moreover, Dr. Link says in his books that there are many factors in each breast cancer case (size, type, etc etc) and when you combine those different factors there are actually 200 different combinations of breast cancer that are possible. It’s very interesting. Due to the complexity of the disease, the comprehensive breast cancer center approach with all disciplines of doctors on one site consulting together and sharing computer systems with patient records benefits the patient by providing better treatment plans for the particular patient at hand. It is so important to find an expert group like Breastlink to watch over your care.
I am so thankful that God gave me a humble, kind and gentle doctor in Dr. Link. It amazes me that my doctor is one of the best in the world. A pioneer. A hero to his patients. And, simply put, a legend in breast cancer oncology. I am blessed to call him my doctor.
Resources: “Take Charge of Your Breast Cancer” by Dr. John Link
“The Breast Cancer Survival Guide” by Dr. John Link
— I have done my best to represent information accurately but as I am not a doctor please do not refer to this article as medical advice. Please find the most renowned breast care center near you for medical advice from a qualified doctor. I would highly recommend Breastlink, located in Orange, CA.
My Story 